VLADIMIR Putin has unveiled four ego-stroking calendars for 2026 brimming with a bizarre mix of awkward smiles and smug suit snaps.
Glaringly absent are any signs of the war in Ukraine – and we’re mercifully spared the skin-crawling topless shots that have previously featured heavily.
Vlad seems to have twigged that Russians are tired of the relentless conflict which has killed and wounded millions, and don’t want to be reminded of it every time they check the date.
It’s hinted at with a June 2026 pic of Putin in military gear and the caption: “I believe in our achievements, our victories, and the future of Russia.”
He also alludes to a “difficult period” in another calendar, but encourages Russians to “continue to set long-term goals”.
And in an image for December next year, he toasts Russians with a glass of champagne, while promising they will prevail.
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It comes as Ukraine is sapping Russia’s economy with strikes on its oil industry using home-grown, long-range missiles and super-drones.
But the overarching message is clear: Don’t mention the war.
Most of the pictures instead show a smartly-dressed Putin looking thoughtful or triumphant, or action shots of him performing a skill.
One snap shows Vlad slamming down a judo opponent, with the strange accompaniment: “I am a dove, but I have very powerful iron wings.”
We learn that his “recipe for vitality” is “sleep little, work a lot and don’t whine”, alongside a photo of him decked out in hiking gear.
Elsewhere, he proudly holds up a large fish and vows: “The Russian bear will ask no one’s permission and will not give away its forests.”
Trump this year famously assessed Russia not as a fierce bear but as a “paper tiger”.
Putin pops up in March clutching a bouquet of roses with his message reading: “Support for the family must become the centre of our national strategy.”
He also finds time to warn the West: “It is pointless to threaten Russiabecause it only makes us stronger.”
Nowhere, however, do Russians encounter the 73-year-old despot’s own family – except in a uniformed picture of his father Vladimir, then 21, honouring his WW2 service.
Probably for the best, because some aspects of his private life could threaten him with scandal.
He has fathered a gaggle of kids with multiple women, and recently there have been revelations about his late-night dalliances with a 17-year-old mistress.
Putin’s secret “wife” (another one), Olympic gold-winning rhythmic gymnast Alina Kabaeva, 42, is entirely absent – as are the couple’s two sons, Ivan, ten, and Vladimir Jnr, six.
His three daughters, scientist Maria Vorontsova, 40, rock’n’roll dancer Katerina Tikhona, 39, and Paris-based Luiza Rozova, 22, are also nowhere to be seen.
Putin is known to be a grandfather, but his grandkids remain strictly off limits – including one who holds a Dutch passport as well as a Russian one.
This secrecy continues his long-term policy of refusing to allow Russians a glimpse into his private life, or the sprawling palaces where they live.
Instead, Putin is seen in a 2013 picture posing with dogs in the snow and saying: “We know how to be true friends, keep our word, never let anyone down, and always offer support in difficult times.”
Also out are the macho photos of him posing topless or swimming in Siberia which filled the pages of previous calendars.
This could be related to his ailing health; his body is not what it once was.
Most of the captions cast general warnings to Russia’s enemies and emphasise its greatness, often taken from “Putinisms” he has made in speeches.
In June, he declares: “Patriotism is Russia’s national idea.”
“I believe Russia has become much stronger over the past two or three years, because we are becoming a truly sovereign nation,” he says on a trek in Siberia.
He vows elsewhere: “Russia’s borders never end!”
He says that “the main thing that has united us — and still unites us — is Russia’s destiny.”
Russians are expected to buy the calendars and display them in their homesso the ruler is always watching over them.
They range in price from £3.25 to £4.70.
Some shops in Moscow have already run out of them, but reserve stock is available online.
More words of wisdom come from a March edition when he advises: “It’s better not to argue with women, and better not to get into disputes with them at all.”
In October, the month he’ll turn 74, he states: “It is counterproductive to bury your head in the sand — because another part of you will still be sticking out.”
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And in a message looking forward to 2027, Putin says: “I not only took care of the country — we have stepped back from the abyss.”
This is a nod to the day his predecessor Boris Yeltsin handed him the keys to the Kremlin on the final day of 1999, and urged him to “take care of Russia”.
Inside Putin’s secret life of sordid affairs
By Sayan Bose, foreign news reporter
VLADIMIR Putin has been leading a life full of secrets full sordid affairs with many women, a new book claims.
A slew of investigations and people’s testimonies revealed the ex-KGB agent’s alleged double life – exposing the president’s infidelities and even a “cover story”.
Putin, who was raised with traditional family values, married his now ex-wife Lyudmila, a former Aeroflot stewardess, with whom he had two daughters.
However, she divorced the tyrant in 2014 over what is believed to be a slew of affairs, according to a new book called The Tsar Himself. How Vladimir Putin Deceived Us All.
The book, written by two Russian opposition journalists, Roman Badanin and Mikhail Rubin, outlines how the Russian leader has been leading a life full of lies.
It claims that shortly before Putin became president, he began an affair with Svetlana Krivonogikh, a 20-year-old former shop cleaner.
In 2003, Krivonogikh gave birth to Putin’s third daughter, Elizaveta, who he has never acknowledged.
The book claims that the affair resulted in Krivonogikh becoming superrich and living a lavish life.
She bought ownership of a luxury ski resort near St Petersburg and a lucrative stake in a bank.
The alleged affair was caught by Marina, the wife of one of Putin’s allies in the Kremlin.